Dear So and So

Dear God,

Haiti? Really? Go fuck yourself.

Sincerely,

Iceberg Wedge

P.S. I still don’t believe in you.

Dear so and so

Dear Sarah Palin,

If this was your High School yearbook this is what I would write to you (not that your bitch ass self would have asked me to sign your Moosewood High yearbook anyway….but).

Sarah Palin-future cross eyed retard

Sarah Palin-Voted most likely to be "1st place loser" in a number of competitions. Known for her catch phrase: "In what respect Charlie?"

Dear Cross Eyed Moose Hunter,

Don’t ever change. You should totally run for President in 2012. That would be awesome hilarious.

Sign me the guy at the back of geography class that laughed at you all the time for being so fucking stoopit.

Sincerely,

Iceberg Wedge

Dear so and so

Dear citizens of South Dakota,

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

victory

Sincerely,

Iceberg Wedge

Dear so and so

Dear Barack Obama,

I am so sorry to hear about the death of your grandmother Madelyn Dunham. Me and Mrs. Wedge will raise a glass in honor of “Toot” tonight.

Stay strong Barack and let’s hope it’s a party tomorrow.

Sincerely,

Iceberg Wedge

Dear so and so

Dear Sarah “Kill it Unless it’s Still on the Inside” Palin,

The answer to the question “are abortion clinic bombers terrorists?” is a simple yes, you stupid zealot. There is no doubt that the answer is yes. In case you have any doubt here is the dictionary definition of terrorism: The unlawful use or threatened use of force or violence by a person or an organized group against people or property with the intention of intimidating or coercing societies or governments, often for ideological or political reasons. Furthermore, a person who uses or advocates for terrorism is in fact a terrorist. End of argument.

And just to be clear, clinics where abortions are performed are typically Women’s Health Centers and provide a lot of other services besides abortion. This includes care for expecting mothers who plan on giving birth. So, when a domestic terrorist bombs a clinic they are not only endangering the lives of, in your warped perception of reality, the “guilty” who would perform and get an abortion but also the “innocent” who have no intention of getting an abortion. I’m sure you and your radical evangelical buddies would just consider this collateral damage but that is not how most of America–real and fake–see it. By the way, that is also not how Jesus or your god would see it either. So maybe besides reading the U.S. Constitution and the Bill of Rights you should also add the Bible and The Ten Commandments to your reading list (after you are done reading every paper in the world that crosses your desk of course).

Sincerely,

Iceberg Wedge

Dear so and so

Dear John McCain and Sarah Palin,

Fuck you with your “real America” bullshit. Fuck you with your “culture wars” fucktardary. Fuck you with your attempts to divide the whole country so that you might win an election. Fuck you with your cries of socialism and terrorism. Fuck you because you guys totally suck ass.

That is all I have to say to you, but I think Barack Obama was talking to you idiots and your legion of drooling wingnuts today in Richmond, VA. I have provided it here for you just in case you missed it.

Dear so and so

Dear Colin Powell,

No, I will never fully forgive you for aiding and abetting the rush to war in Iraq. We may never know what exactly happened behind closed doors or how much you may have fought against the war in Iraq but there is still blood on your hands. If I am honest with myself, I have to respect you for not selling out the Bush administration and for continuing to stand behind the decision to go in. But despite this I still wish you would just rip them a new asshole like I suspect only you could. But you are a good soldier and no one can hold that against you.

Now about yesterday when you formally endorsed Barack Obama on Meet the Press and also your post taping interview. Holy shit Colin Powell you hit that nail on the motherfucking head. You honestly brought tears to my eyes and when I saw the picture of Kareem Rashad Sultan Khan’s mother which you spoke of I have to admit to losing it a little completely. So, I want to thank you for endorsing Obama and for so eloquently stating your position yesterday. You were brilliant and you caused conservatives across the country to shit themselves. I was talking to my mother yesterday afternoon and she was telling me that she gets the occasional wingnut email from her brother and she had recently gotten one about Joe “not a licensed” Plumber. She was thinking she would send him back an email with your interviews from yesterday and say “you can have your Joe ‘not even a real’ Plumber endorsement and we’ll take General Colin Powell’s.”

I hope there is a place for you at the Obama table both in the next couple weeks and after we win this fucking thing. Thank you.

Sincerely,

Iceberg Wedge

P.S. Why is your name pronounced like that? It always makes me think of poop when I hear someone pronounce your name. Why would your parents do that to you. It’s almost as bad as this kid I knew in grade school whose last name was Balls, first name Harry. I kid you not.