Things I overheard myself saying

“I’m really beginning to wish 9/11 never happened.”

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Things I overheard myself saying*

“The way I look at it is I got one brain cell left and I’m gonna get that fucker tonight.”

*Actually I only overheard this one, I just wish I had said it.

Things I overheard myself saying

“Get ready for the douche bag parade.”

Things I overheard myself saying

“If I knew he was having problems with his sexual identity I never would have called him a faggot so much.”