This just in: McCain being held hostage

Republican Presidential Nominee John McCain is Being Held Hostage by John McCain

It is being reported today that John McCain was taken hostage by John McCain sometime during Wednesday night. John McCain is holding John McCain in a location which campaign officials authorities have asked us not to disclose. The location is thought to be a place where the Democratic Process is suspended indefinitely due to a continual state of “9/11.” “I will hold John McCain hostage until such time that the polls swing back in my favor in this election” said John McCain while holding a gun to John McCain’s chest (his arms can’t go any higher). “Even if it takes a hundred years or a thousand I will not release John McCain until the Palin…err..umm…McCain/Palin ticket is capable of winning this election. I know how to win elections and I will take John McCain to the gates of hell if that is what it takes to win this election.” John McCain then added “What time is it? 9am? No wonder we’re so sleepy, we’ve been up for two whole hours John. John McCain and I are going to take our nap now so get off our lawn.”

Nothing was heard from either John McCain for over two hours until 11:21am when a phone call was made to Secret Service headquarters in Washington D.C. Apparently one of the John McCain’s requested that adult diapers be provided for the other John McCain.

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3 Responses

  1. Can we just Taser him and be done with it?

  2. Only if he is naked and ranting on the roof of an apartment building

  3. Only if he is naked and ranting on the roof of an apartment building

    Umm, isn’t that what his campaign has looked like so far?

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