This just in: John McCain Released From Psychiatric Hospital

This just in: John McCain Released From a California Psychiatric Hospital

John McCain was released today, after spending the night at Coldwater Canyon Psychiatric Hospital in North Hollywood, to the custody of two adult males. One of the men, pictured below telling McCain that he is a “good boy,” is thought to be his best friend.

"No kissing in public John."

The other is simply being characterized as “one of the biggest assholes in the world.” The asshole is pictured below hugging a grateful McCain after his release from the psychiatric hospital.

"This is how you raise the roof Mr. Short Arms. Can you raise the roof John?"

It all started on Friday morning when a disoriented and belligerent John McCain was found on the front lawn of Walter Reed Middle School in North Hollywood, California. He was chasing students and faculty around and yelling at them to get off his “goddamn lawn before I get my pitbull out you little sons a bitches.” “Students were screaming and crying, even teachers were scared of that crazy gray haired man” said the visibly shaken Principal.

The lawn of Walter Reed Middle School where John McCain was found chasing after and screaming at students and faculty.

The photo below, of a maniacal McCain, was taken by a retreating student using a Black Berry. Of course we all know the Black Berry as “the miracle brought to you by John McCain.”

A rampaging John McCain.

John was subdued by a quick thinking janitor who rattled his keys at McCain until he lay prone on the ground. He then hit John over the head with a mop handle until he was unconscious. “I’m no hero” said the janitor “I thought he was going to hurt one of the students or teachers. If he had been a little faster and if his arms weren’t so short and nearly useless I think he would have caught one of them. I just did what I had to do before he went and got that pitbull he kept screaming about.”

John McCain was then taken away in a straight jacket and a muzzle to nearby Coldwater Canyon Psychiatric Hospital in North Hollywood. He spent the evening there heavily sedated and under armed guard.

John McCain, seen here in front of Walter Reed Middle School in more tranquil times.

It is thought that Senator McCain will be tied to a bed in an undisclosed location until at least Monday.

(Links to related stories will be forthcoming. Stay tuned for updates as this story unfolds.)

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2 Responses

  1. Can’t stop giggling. God, I needed that after reading all the depressingly detailed diaries about the deep bailout shit we are slogging through over at DailyKos.

  2. Thanks Marin, I was hoping to bring a little joy to someone.

    “God, I needed that after reading all the depressingly detailed diaries about the deep bailout shit we are slogging through over at DailyKos.”
    I am very selective about what I read over at the Kos. They seriously lack the funny over there most of the time. The previous Dear So and So entry was aimed directly at the likes of them. Also, I thought my head was going to explode during the FISA debacle when I read the stuff on there.

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