This just in: John McCain Released From a California Psychiatric Hospital
John McCain was released today, after spending the night at Coldwater Canyon Psychiatric Hospital in North Hollywood, to the custody of two adult males. One of the men, pictured below telling McCain that he is a “good boy,” is thought to be his best friend.
The other is simply being characterized as “one of the biggest assholes in the world.” The asshole is pictured below hugging a grateful McCain after his release from the psychiatric hospital.
It all started on Friday morning when a disoriented and belligerent John McCain was found on the front lawn of Walter Reed Middle School in North Hollywood, California. He was chasing students and faculty around and yelling at them to get off his “goddamn lawn before I get my pitbull out you little sons a bitches.” “Students were screaming and crying, even teachers were scared of that crazy gray haired man” said the visibly shaken Principal.
The photo below, of a maniacal McCain, was taken by a retreating student using a Black Berry. Of course we all know the Black Berry as “the miracle brought to you by John McCain.”
John was subdued by a quick thinking janitor who rattled his keys at McCain until he lay prone on the ground. He then hit John over the head with a mop handle until he was unconscious. “I’m no hero” said the janitor “I thought he was going to hurt one of the students or teachers. If he had been a little faster and if his arms weren’t so short and nearly useless I think he would have caught one of them. I just did what I had to do before he went and got that pitbull he kept screaming about.”
John McCain was then taken away in a straight jacket and a muzzle to nearby Coldwater Canyon Psychiatric Hospital in North Hollywood. He spent the evening there heavily sedated and under armed guard.
It is thought that Senator McCain will be tied to a bed in an undisclosed location until at least Monday.
(Links to related stories will be forthcoming. Stay tuned for updates as this story unfolds.)
Filed under: This just in | Tagged: 2008 election, Black Berry, Bush, Janitor, John McCain, Lieberman, mop, Palin, pitbull, Psychiatric Hospital, rattle keys, This just in, Walter Reed Middle School |