No you don’t

So you want to open a restaurant? Actually, no you don’t. You want to use your own money to open a restaurant? What, are you stupid? If you are going to open a restaurant, which I highly suggest you don’t, please use someone else’s money. Someone who is willing to wait years to see any of that money again, if ever. Someone who needs tax write-offs and who gives regularly to charity because that is all you will be for years most likely…a charity case, a money pit.

All the things you will have to deal with:
I look with envy at small nonfood related stores, boutiques, and what not. What a simple life they lead; no health department inspections, fire department, sanitation, epa, liquor authority, grease trap cleaning, hood cleaning, exhaust fans, food poisoning, mice, roaches, mosquitoes, flies, ants, other assorted bugs inside and out, critics both real and imagined (everyone is a fucking critic-anyone with a computer these days fucking writes a food blog…boring boring boring. I mean fuck so you don’t like my food do you have to tell everyone about how much you hate it? how bad we suck? Is it that important to you that you would wish ill upon us? Wish that we actually don’t make it? So what if you don’t agree with what we do get a fucking life dickweed lots of people do like the restaurant and you don’t…..[take a deep breath]…I suggest never visiting a food blog once you open a restaurant…which, of course, you shouldn’t), high insurance rates, many employees (and who knew that employees could be such fucking dickheads…I mean I was an employee most of my life and never imagined I was such an asshole but there you go [and by the way we have been really lucky with most of our people and yet some of them still turn out to be douche bags]), purveyor/delivery problems at least once a week and often every day, neighbors who think you make too much noise/smoke/smell, people who constantly stick their faces on your just cleaned windows to see inside, leaving greasy smudge marks from their hands and noses (no really their fucking noses), screaming kids who are guaranteed to be there for at least an hour while their parents eat and ignore them, people who tie up their poor dogs outside and then they bark for an hour or two and often get their dirty paws on my windows, my just cleaned fucking windows you assholes…people who apparently have never used a restroom before and have no aim whatsoever with their urine, feces, paper towels, toilet paper, feminine hygiene, spit–who the fuck taught you to piss on the walls, shit on the seat, spit on the mirror, and then take a bath in the sink and spill water everywhere and then dry off with 20 c-folds (those fucking things cost money asshole) which you throw in the toilet and then you don’t flush….the only fucking thing you can make in the toilet are paper towels? you and your parents should be shot–and don’t even get me started with bitchy demanding customers…restaurants have by far the worst–I want this, I don’t want that, I’m allergic to this and that, no you are not you fucking liar, this is overpriced, this isn’t what I want, this is burnt, this isn’t cooked all the way, why isn’t there salt on the table, this is too salty, what do you mean you don’t take reservations, why did you take that off the menu… Fucktards the lot of them…….. tbc


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