This just in: Worlds Most Powerful Democracy Taken Down by False Voter Registrations

It was reported today that the United States of America was brought to its knees by the mighty swords pens of the Association of Community Organizations for Reform Now (ACORN). ACORN is better known as the Soviet Islamofascist Terrorist Union (SIFTU which is pronounced shutthefuckup). SIFTU/ACORN is a neighborhood based organization which advocates for the [...]

This just in: Bitter Old Coot Afraid of Composed Black Man

Condescending Bitter Old Coot Afraid to Look Directly at Composed Presidential Black Man Tries to Give History Lesson Due to Lack of Any Vision for the Future Last night a bitter angry John McCain smirked condescendingly for ninety minutes while repeatedly quoting dead people.  Seemingly afraid of Barack Obama a very un-presidential McCain repeatedly returned [...]

This just in: McCain being held hostage

Republican Presidential Nominee John McCain is Being Held Hostage by John McCain It is being reported today that John McCain was taken hostage by John McCain sometime during Wednesday night. John McCain is holding John McCain in a location which campaign officials authorities have asked us not to disclose. The location is thought to be [...]

This just in: D.C. Clown Has Trouble Multitasking

This just in: John McClown, a Washington D.C. Insider of Twenty-Six Years Has Trouble Multitasking, Can Only Juggle One Ball At a Time It is being reported this afternoon that a very old D.C. clown is now unable to juggle more than one ball at a time. It is also believed that he is fully [...]

This just in: Religious Extremist At UN

Armed Religious Extremist Waltzes into UN With a Gang of Lipstick Wearing Pigs Today, in New York City, a religious extremist, carrying a moose hunting rifle, waltzed into the UN with a number of swine in tow. The religious extremist and the pigs were all wearing hot pink lipstick. It is unknown at this time [...]

This just in: One Billion People Turn Out to See Palin Stroke a Giant Tube of Lipstick

One Billion People Turn Out to See Sarah Palin Stroke a Giant Oversized Tube of Lipstick According to the Palin/McCain campaign, one billion people turned out to see Sarah Palin in The Villages, Florida this past Sunday. This new estimate came after conflicting reports came out yesterday. The Palin/McCain camp put the crowd at 60,000 [...]

This just in: John McCain Released From Psychiatric Hospital

This just in: John McCain Released From a California Psychiatric Hospital John McCain was released today, after spending the night at Coldwater Canyon Psychiatric Hospital in North Hollywood, to the custody of two adult males. One of the men, pictured below telling McCain that he is a “good boy,” is thought to be his best [...]

This just in: Sarah Palin has been hospitalized

It was reported late this evening that Sarah Palin has been hospitalized due to what is being called an ocular tragedy. “While she was enduring ‘enhanced interrogation’ at a mock POW camp she refused to blink her eyelids” stated an unnamed doctor overseeing Palin’s interrogation. “This led to her ocular organs drying out almost completely. [...]

This just in: John McCain hates pigs

It was reported this afternoon that John McCain called a pig, wearing lipstick, “a trollop and a cunt.” The pig, pictured below, had no comment. Correction and update: Apparently it is now being reported that John McCain did not call the pig “a trollop and a cunt.” In fact, he called Rudy “9/11″Giuliani “a trollop [...]

This just in: Sarah Palin being held in a mock POW camp

It is being reported today that Sarah Palin is being held in a mock POW camp so that she might gain the necessary experience to be vice president. The McCain campaign set up the very realistic camp as soon as they realized she had never been a POW. Apparently there was a mix up in [...]